What if teenagers already have the answers?

by Jo Cloete

What if the clarity we are searching for… is already there — just not yet uncovered?

About a year ago, I had a conversation with the mother of a teenage daughter in matric. Her daughter had no idea what she wanted to study. During our discussion, I asked a simple question:

“What does your daughter enjoy? What is she passionate about?”

I will never forget the mother’s expression — she didn’t know.

Before we judge, let’s pause. As parents, we are doing our best. We are balancing careers, responsibilities, and the emotional needs of our families. In the process, it’s easy to lose touch with the small but important details — like what truly excites our teenagers.

And yet, this is exactly where subject choices and future decisions should begin.

When our children were younger, we knew everything: their friends, their interests, what they were exposed to. But high school changes that. Their world expands — often beyond what we can see or control.

They are shaped by:

• Teachers (sometimes the ones who don’t even teach them directly)

• Friends and social circles

• Sports events and social interactions

• Weekends away

• The internet and constant access to information

Instead of focusing on the risks of these factors, let’s focus on the opportunity:

All of these experiences are clues.

The key is to start noticing them.

Have honest, intentional conversations with your teenager:

• “What did you enjoy about today?”

• “What frustrated you?”

• “What stood out to you?”

Watch not only what they say — but how they say it.

A beautiful Afrikaans saying: “Wat die hart van vol is, loop die mond van oor.”
What fills the heart overflows through what we say.

Pay attention to what they keep coming back to.

If they are watching something on YouTube or TikTok, don’t dismiss it. Ask:

• “What about this interests you?”

Yes, sometimes it’s just entertainment. But sometimes — something sticks. And that “something” is worth exploring. 

Also talk about their schoolwork:

• What do they enjoy learning?

• What feels easy or natural to them?

• What do they avoid — and why?

Parent evenings are another powerful opportunity — but not for criticism.

Use that time to understand:

• Where does your child naturally contribute?

• Where do they show confidence?

• Where do they hold back?

Bring that insight back home — and discuss it with curiosity and compassion, not judgement.

Create opportunities for exposure:

• Try new activities as a family

• Explore different environments

• Have open discussions about interests and experiences

You may discover something new about your child — and even about yourself.

And when self-knowledge is not yet clear, structured support can help. Through programmes like Career Thinking, we don’t give teenagers the answers we help them uncover the answers that already exist within them.

Because the goal is not to tell them who to become…

It’s to support them in discovering who they are — and build a future from there.